Part of my process to overcome cross-dressing is to help others as well. I know there have to be others out there in a similar situation who are looking for ways to feel better without acting out.
So, shortly after my post a few days ago I created an account and went on to one of the most well-known and popular web and chat site for Cross-dressers, and Transgender girls.
Look, here's my message: I'm an addicted cross-dresser. I'm likely a sex-addict too. (I have other problems too, but let's stay on message.) I'm looking for ways for me to feel better about myself, given the cards that were dealt to me. I'm in a male body. I like being male. And for me, although I have deeply entertained the idea of being female for kicks, I would never be a post-op trans-sexual. And I would never screw up my family unit just so I could ride off on some fantasy sexual romp.
For me, and I'm guessing a lot of other CDers like myself, I think this is a fetish. A strong fetish, no doubt. But for me, I have trained myself over the years to have a particular sexual response to a very specific set of stimuli. And this method of reaching a sexual peak is getting in the way of other things in life. Other, more important things that need addressing.
As I said, I went to this chat room, and basically took my message there. I'm not looking to change anyone if they are happy with the way they are. I'm merely looking for others like me that question the trans lifestyle. Maybe we can connect in some way and help each other. And do it in a way that is non-faith-based.
My foray into that chat room was very interesting. By the vocal (sic) response of a minority of people, you'd have thought I was a cop walking into a crack den. "How dare you try to convert us!" "What kind of attention-whore are you that you need to come back here and try to make friends?"
I should have expected that kind of reaction. I'm sure it was very similar to a reformer walking into a crowded bar.
The funniest part was when I logged off, and went right back into the room with my female persona. They were still trashing Alex: "Dipshit" "What was the point of him coming in here?"
And here's the point. I want to help others as well as myself. I thought the best way to get my message to anyone who is in a similar situation to mine was to go where the crossdressers and transgender girls are. The Lion's Den. I came out a little beaten up, but no worse for wear.
And I get that that is THEIR turf. No surprise there. And I can see where they might take offense at the idea that some there might be ADDICTED because that is what I consider to be my own story. I get that too. But they also misunderstand if they think that all the 'girls' there are there for the same reasons.
Many just told me to quit and move on. If it were that easy to quit a bad habit, then there would be no smokers, or alcoholics, or drug addicts, or..... fill in the blank here.
But here's my take-away from the experience:
The number of vocal people were few. And I realize my message is unpopular there. But what I was struck by was how ugly it got. Not by me, but by the 'girls' and guys there. (for those of you not in the know, there are a significant number of males who frequent these chat rooms. They are called 'Admirers'.) Now I know GGs (real women) can have ugly attitudes, but for a group of people who are trying the darndest to emulate females and their behaviors, what was missing was kindness, or even curiosity about why I might be there, other than their derisive attitude toward me.
I do plan on going back to that chat room and if nothing else, make my presence known. I've spoken with one of the chat room admins and been warned that if I try actively proselytizing my message that I will be booted. So I will merely be in the room, and chatting in general periodically. My profile there has my message. So it can be seen, and if somebody asks me about this in private, I can.
But quite honestly I don't mind the ugliness. Makes it that much easier for me to change and reinforce my emotional view of the social aspect of cross-dressing.
Hi Alex,
ReplyDeleteI've read all your posts, and I wish you well in your journey. I just wanted to comment on a couple of things.
It certainly seems as if crossdressing has got a hold of you to the extent that other things in your life suffer (family, work). Addiction is a reasonable model of your situation. I understand your desire to quit cold turkey. I just want to sound a note of caution: if you are serious about quitting crossdressing, be kind to yourself if you fail a few times along the road. Pick yourself up and try again. And crossdressing, or the fetish which goes with it, is so pervasive that (I believe) you will need to find something meaningful in your life to replace it; some healthy way to get your needs met, or you won't make it.
I can relate to a great deal of what you talk about, and my early experiences of crossdressing were quite similar to yours, I suppose. Pantyhose (or tights, as we call them in British) remain one of my favourite garments.
You and I are on opposite sides of the cirle: I am a very infrequent crossdresser (a handful of times a year) trying to integrate it more into my life, not less. I've never chatted with Internet strangers (since for me, crossdressing is an intimacy I don't want to share with strangers). But a large amount of what I see online about crossdressing is just not the way I see it; in fact, I seem to have come to the conclusion that the people I have most in common with are people who are trying to quit! I don't consider myself to be living the "trans" lifestyle, but if you are looking for people to question it, put me on your list! My blog contains scholarly discussion about several aspects of transgender behaviour.
Thorin is a good guy (his blog directed me here; no doubt one of dozens who will follow). He is bracingly honest in his blog about the ups and downs of quitting it. I don't share his religious views, but there is a lot on his blog which will be of interest to you.
Once again, best wishes to you,
Vivienne.