Thursday, December 6, 2012

Yes, there's more...

So yesterday I said there is more going on....

So... this past sunday..... I purged.

I threw away all my girl gear.

Honestly, I've been thinking about it a long time. I knew that the day would come when my kids got old enough and would start snooping about the house and find my stash. I had been putting it off for a long time. Naturally, I procrastinated because I was still using this gear, and wanted to keep on using it.

Last month, when I started this little venture, I got more serious about throwing out the stuff. I wasn't using it.
But, I still didn't pull the trigger.
And my kids didn't force the issue either. Believe me, if they had found my stuff, they would not have been able to keep quiet about it.

No.
The trigger was my wife. Though she knew of my stash and where it was stored (how she found out is quite another story), she didn't ever bring up her knowledge of the stuff, nor did we talk about my little hobby. But she still was the trigger.

To put it succinctly, we've been having marital problems the last few weeks. (actually, from where I sit, the problems started shortly before me giving up CDing. Or at least that's when I admitted to myself that I was unhappy.) Anyway, whenever we talk about our issues, she always jumps to the conclusion that divorce is imminent. After our most recent skirmish, she went off on a trip with a relative of hers for the afternoon.

There was just something so odd about this trip that I became a little paranoid.
Why are they together today? Where are they going? It's very unusual.
This relative almost never goes out on the weekend, nor does she go anyplace without looking just so. And here she was in grubbies and no makeup.
Odd.

While my wife is very passive, her relative is NOT passive, and if my wife was the one really interested in divorce, it would be her relative that would go after me.

So, this made me paranoid. I'm vulnerable having this girl gear around.
That's when I pulled the trigger.

I was out of the house at the moment I made this decision. So I had to sneak back to the house so my kids wouldn't hear me, and take my stash to my car.
And I was able to do that successfully.
2 of those big household bins full of clothes, and heels and breast forms.
I was able to dump the stuff in a big dumpster (yes, I broke the law), and skate.

Looking back, it was a good decision.

In the last few weeks, I had been contemplating at least selling the breast forms, or donating them somehow. But I was so spooked that I just dumped them. Oh well.

In a big way I feel free.
Feels good, and a bit weird and unfamiliar.

Alex

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Quick check-in

Hi there,
Looks like I'm picking up some readers from other blogs. Thanks.

Well, things are looking up and down at the moment.
Actually I'm not having a problem avoiding dressing or being a 'girl'.
I've pretty much gone cold turkey.

I've been a bit tempted here and there but it's nothing compared to what it used to be.

If you'll recall, my first clean day was Oct 31. So here is it Dec 5, and in Recovery terms, I would have my 30 day chip. Obviously I dont really physically have one. But the mental chip is enough.

I'll have more news soon about what's going on. Big doings, actually.

Suffice it for now that I have started seeing a shrink (I really dont know if she is a psychologist or psychiatrist). Some of our time is devoted to talking about cross dressing, but there is way more to me than that.

So, for now, dear reader, adieu.
Talk to you soon.
Alex